


my answer was laughter, soft as i lowered my head

by i_was_human



Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, God this is sad, Hanahaki Disease, I'm Sorry, Lee Minsoo-centric, M/M, Partially Lowercase, Past Character Death, Sad Ending, Stream of Consciousness, Suicide, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:28:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24651592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/pseuds/i_was_human
Summary: (the sakura petals don't care.they fall regardless.)
Relationships: Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Kim Daehyun (Lost in Translation - Webcomic), Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Lee Minsoo, Ahn Jaewon | Wyld/ Kang Dongho | D.Min (onesided)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 98





	my answer was laughter, soft as i lowered my head

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JamlessGenius](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamlessGenius/gifts).
  * Inspired by [What I Never Said](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24550750) by [JamlessGenius](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamlessGenius/pseuds/JamlessGenius). 



> title inspired by this song:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9w472VEqvk
> 
> also for jamlessgenius: i hope this isn't too sad

The thing is-

the thing is.

They never really talk about the one to _find_ the body, do they?

And it's-

it's so _dumb_ , Minsoo realizes, mind replaying Daehyun's horrified screams on loop, but-

Daehyun never should have had to see that.

He remembers it - because of _course_ he does. How can he not?

Daehyun had piled a plate with a few pancakes, mentioning something about how Jaewon didn't pick up when he called so of _course_ he was going over to bring him breakfast, and Dongho mumbled something about how it was _dumb_ to be concerned, and how Daehyun wasn't Jaewon's live-in maid, and Daehyun had rolled his eyes and said something along the lines of "you're coming along anyways, I'll be there in ten", and somewhere in the middle, Minsoo got roped into things as well.

He was supposed to be the responsible one, but there he was, nursing a thermos of coffee in Daehyun's front seat while Dongho sat in the back, expression blank. 

(it usually was, with things involving jaewon.)

Daehyun kept up a steady stream of chatter from the front seat, the only thing indicating his nervousness the too-tight grip he had on the steering wheel. And, well-

Minsoo understood.

At least, a little bit.

He wasn't the most _perceptive_ one of the bunch, but he didn't _have_ to be. Not this time.

He'd have to have been a fool to miss what was happening to Jaewon.

He didn't have a _name_ for it, per se, but he knew there was _something_ happening. 

The new gauntness in Jaewon's cheeks, the way he seemed like he could've been blown over by a strong breeze, the way he never really seemed to smile anymore-

Minsoo worried.

He wasn't used to the emotion - not in the _slightest_ \- but he worried nonetheless.

But how could he go about it? For all they claimed he was the leader, he wasn't accustomed to dealing with emotional issues like this.

Today, he vowed, knowing somewhere deep down it would be a lie. 

Today, he'd talk to Jaewon.

Soon enough, Daehyun pulled into the apartment's parking lot, pulling the plate of pancakes from Minsoo's numb fingers and hopping out of the car.

His coffee'd gone cold, Minsoo realized, staring down at the cool thermos. 

Ah, well.

Daehyun raced up the stairs, nervousness laced in his wiry frame, and Dongho and Minsoo followed at a more sedate pace, the latter still groggy from less than three hours of sleep. And, well-

Once they reached Jaewon's floor, Minsoo's senses were immediately assaulted by the acrid combination of blood and rotting flowers. 

Seconds later, he heard Daehyun's scream.

Dongho had frozen outside, Minsoo remembers, sifting through the blur of the memories from That Day. He- he had gone in.

And Daehyun-

god, _Daehyun_ -

Once he'd finally found Jaewon's room, Daehyun was cradling his bandmate's body in his arms, choking on broken wails of pure _grief_ , and the petals were just-

strewn everywhere.

and everything started to make a twisted sort of sense.

Jaewon and Dongho were always- 

there was always something _different_ about the way Jaewon looked at Dongho. 

Something _warmer_.

Minsoo wasn't sure why he was focusing on that inane detail now, now when Jaewon was covered in blood and flower petals and _not moving_ -

but Daehyun turned to him, tears streaming down his cheeks-

and he didn't-

what could he do?

Daehyun let out this broken-sounding sob, pressing his nose into Jaewon's hair, and Minsoo floated (floated, it had to be - he felt detached from his body, disassociation or sleep depravation or _pure denial-_ ) towards the folded-up piece of paper on the dresser, addressed simply to _"Whoever finds my body"_.

And that-

Jaewon _knew_.

Minsoo nearly tears up the piece of paper inside in his haste to read the note, to know _why, why, why-_

and he wished he hadn't.

That's-

actually a lie, in honesty.

In a way, he _had_ to know. 

(this was his fault, after all. this was- this was _his fault_. 

even if not directly, he _let this happen_.)

He managed to stay standing until one simple phrase, and _god_ , he didn't know seeing five simple words could make him break down.

_**"They'll do better as three."** _

Minsoo's legs gave out, then, and he slumped over, the paper landing in a pool of nearly-dry blood. 

Did Jaewon-

how-

_how could Jaewon think that?_

Did he really think this wouldn't break them? That this wouldn't tear MAYHEM apart beyond repair?

His gaze slid to the doorway, only to find Dongho standing there, eyes wide and seemingly catatonic. And Minsoo-

he couldn't even find it in himself to be mad.

Not at Dongho.

Not at Jaewon.

(just at himself.)

And now, he thinks, staring at the shells of the other people he'd promised to protect, at their dark suits and dead eyes, he's failed them, too.

* * *

(there are certain things they don't talk about.

there are things-

things they _can't_ talk about.

like-

when minsoo heads to bed after another late night in their dorm-

~~_the dorm they'd gotten after jaewon-_ ~~

and he hears retching, and follows the sound-

and dongho's kneeling in front of the toilet, sakura blossoms tumbling over his lips-

and minsoo doesn't need to ask who they're for. 

because what they've been able to do for jaewon has always been too little too late.)

("are you going to get the surgery?"

a twisted grin, one so fleeting and painful-

"as long as i'm still choking on petals, that means he was still here."

and minsoo-

"please, please, hyung-"

the "i can't lose you too" hangs in the air, left unspoken.)

(minsoo looks it up, later.

symbols of youth and death.

jaewon's flowers.

and he throws his head back and _laughs_ , laughs so _broken_ and _painful_ that _isn't it fucking funny, how he's going to lose two of his best friends to each other_?

minsoo gets very drunk, that night.)

* * *

(in the distant haze, he dreams of jaewon.

 _"why?"_ he begs, a broken, tortured scream. _"why, why, jaewon, why would you do this?"_

and jaewon just-

just _smiles_ , this-

this flower-petal-blood-stained smile-

and minsoo _screams_.

he screams for dongho, dongho who's bleeding sakura blossoms-

he screams for daehyun, daehyun who still cooks like jaewon's there, still turns and looks for jaewon's smile-

and he screams for himself.

because really, 

who is he without mayhem?

jaewon's still standing there, still smiling, and the flower petals rot-

 _"i love you,"_ minsoo wants to cry, _"you're my brother, my friend, please-"_ )

(please what?

don't?

too late for that.)

(come back, he decides, watching as jaewon turns away. 

_please_.

because minsoo-

minsoo doesn't know how to do this without him.

doesn't-

 _please_ -)

(the sakura petals don't care. 

they fall regardless.)

* * *

**BREAKING: Idol Group MAYHEM To Disband After Death Of Member D.Min. Read full article at http...**

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry. this is probably terrible. i'm just so tired.
> 
> i don't personally ship jaewon and dongho, but i thought the original work warranted a followup. dongho was originally supposed to survive and this was supposed to end with dae and minsoo getting drunk, but i kinda like this better.
> 
> also comment the answering phrase if you got it. consider that the real title. it was too blunt to name this.
> 
> [twit](https://twitter.com/i_was_human_) | [lit fic discord!](https://discord.gg/CNunB74)


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